Summer So Far

This summer i've been enjoying what there is to offer in san diego. I've been going to lots of beaches, and staying outdoors to study or just relax and chill with friends haah. Some random stuff today though, i guess im pretty music illiterate. My friend today told me about classical rock including some artists like led zeppelin and his song stairway to heaven, but i had no idea he existed until today haha. However, i think i do have a good reason why im not so good with american music. Since i was young i listened to anything my sisters listened to, which is chinese music. As a result, i don't have much background knowledge of american music. It also doesn't help to go to a high school that is prominently asians- further influencing me to only listen to mostly chinese songs. Though my taste in music since college has shifted a bit, i think im open to most types of music, like indie music and music that is not just pop music. 

Moving on...i went to coronado beach today and got stung by a jellyfish!! Whats funny is my friend was worried as hell, telling me to be very careful of jellyfish and sting rays in the shallow waters...but i kept trying to calm her down and when she was out of the water i went with two other friends into the water and mentioned that we shouldn't go into the water any deeper, but my other friend suggested that she went into the water deeper this morning, and seconds later after moving in a bit deeper, i felt a quick sting to my feet. The pain wasn't excruciating..i think it felt like a needle was stuck in my feet and a fat blister on the punctured part of my feet. I thought it was a nice experience haha. Now i think i have sun burn for going to the beach two days straight in a row. 

I know what i typed has been pretty random, but just wanted to say what was on my mind :p 

Bleh...

My room mate is starting to get annoying he talks on the phone with his mom....and its been an hour already. -_- this has been happening for a while. I want some PEACE n QUIET...

What Makes People Do That?

Have you ever wondered why people do things that seem illogical? We'll I have, and today i just wanted to write about some questions that are on my mind.

1) Why is it that when you tell someone a secret, and tell them to promise to you not to tell that they still end up blabbing about that secret to someone else?

As for me, i understand that in dire circumstances like if someone is going suicide- then its the right thing to tell others. However, what i don't understand is when people blab about a secret that is simple. I am a person that hates people who are "big mouthed" and tell secrets that they promised they wouldn't tell. For me, although many of you don't know me, i am extremely trustworthy. When my friends tell me something, and i promise to not tell it- then i really don't. When i hear other people telling about their friends secrets, it gets on my nerves, because if that person wanted to keep something confidential then they confided it in YOU- and its ultimately your responsibility to keep your mouth shut because they TRUSTED you. Its amazing how some people can break promises and just blab. I want to go deeper into this phenomena. I mean, i am sure nature AND nurture play a role. For example, maybe there is an interaction of genes that play a role in not inhibiting someone to tell out secrets. Maybe, there is a gene that encourages people to not make promises as well as others. But i think in terms of neurological underpinnings of these causes is not too important of a focus in the scientific community as there are more important topics in life that need to be investigated before something social like this is looked into further. Furthermore, i think that there might be an environmental factor that plays a role in facilitating someone to blab. It is possible that a person is positively reinforced to tell out other's secrets because the people who they tell it to encourage them and embellish them with comments that make it gratifying to the secret teller. Those are my opinions and thoughts so far. I do have one thing to say though...I know its sad, but i think i have not found ONE person i can trust yet in life who i can tell everything to.- either im stubborn or i have a problem. Its just, im pretty sure there is someone out there who i can confide my thoughts and secrets with but, so far everyone i met- after observing them...they are blabbers, some extreme or not as much.

2) How do people succeed after going through a rough time or failing school. How do they get the motivation, or what makes them want to attain what they want after all? However, i think we also need to investigate how people become not successful, or rather lose their hope of attaining their goal.

This question came up in the back of my mind, because recently a lot of my friends have been coming from community colleges, and then transferring to pretty good universities. Thats what puzzles me, because when i knew them in high school they weren't getting the best of grades, and they didn't seem like they really liked school. I mean, i am very proud of them for turning around their life, and that this gives me hope that anyone can do what they want if they put their mind to it. But i feel like this is a complex idea to think about. For me, i think that every person has a "limit". Sometimes if you push the correct button- like going through a lot of shit and finally it "hits" you that you want to do whatever you want then you will really have that urge to do it. I don't know if i make sense, but i hope to elaborate on it another time.

-Matt

Losing Interest In Blogging?

Sadly, i am sure most people know that it is very easy to lose interest in blogging, but hard to continue blogging. I want to continue blogging, but its difficult because of everything i have to do. Anyways, i am still here, just reading other people's blogs haha. I want to continue blogging about what i do, and what i am thinking. Today is my sis college graduation!- in four hours...so i better sleep. Just wanted to say that i am extremely proud of her achievements, and hope that she can further apply her skills and knowledge in college to what she wants to do :) . I will blog soon!!!-hopefully

Take Care

Conflicting Conflicts

I was depressed more than i was ever recently, I think largely due to the fact that I met someone, and that im not academically doing well in school.

I met someone that was bisexual on omegle. Lets call them C. I talked to him this one night and we just talked about ourselves. However, ever since he said he had to do something for his mom, he never talked back to me after i wrote, " Hey are you back with your errand yet". So i decided to just come online occasionally and see if he would say hi or something. I don't know but me not being able to talk to him even though i only met him for one day has made me VERY sad in the inside. I think i really just get attached to people easily...which is very bad. I don't want this feeling so i try to shrug it off, but its not. I feel like im getting to the point where im stalking when hes on skype and etc. What conflicts me even more is whether or not he is really bisexual. For me i think sexuality is on a continuum, and that everyones sexual orientation is on a spectrum. That sexuality varies from person to person. However, i think i am just blinding myself that he is more dominant on the guy side. Sorry about the rant, but what i am trying to say is that i just don't understand HOW i can be so depressed when this guy doesn't talk back to me even though we just met once on cam. Its sad, but true. I might have fallen for him--which sounds rather ridiculous. This is the first time i've been hit really hard....

Then there is my school work. I think im currently not doing so hot for medical school standards. I hate ochem, and that brought my gpa down a lot.

I have nothing else much to say, but i am VERY GLAD that i have good friends out there that are willing to spend time and talk to me about being depressed. After a series of events today that started tumbling down to my small depression, i saw my friend online, and i told her i saw her other friend earlier today. Then she asked how i was doing...i told her i was depressed jokingly. She immediately came to see me at 9:40pm when she lives off campus. (she has to walk back 30 mins to where she lives). I am truly grateful for her talking to me especially in a time where i don't know what else to do. Through her thoughtful words, and experience i think i have what it takes to fight this sadness and depression i am feeling. We talked until 12:10am....But here is what i think i am going to change on:

1) to stop comparing myself with others, and to follow my own life.
2) Make my own decisions
3) Be assertive
4) Be happy
5) stick with my values
6) Don't care about what other people think of me

As much as those things may sound repetitive, or better yet corny....i think it is actually meaningful when you take it to heart. These are truly what I should be thinking about. Therefore, NO NEGATIVE thoughts, but positive :)

This post is just a rant, because i think i needed it Hope you everyone is enjoying their time, and remember be happy!

Update On Life

I am currently in my last quarter of ochem...and sadly am still dreading it. I did pretty bad on my recent midterm. As for my other classes, so far i am caught up and doing well. I am currently taking 5 classes this quarter. Genetics, Ochem, Statistics, Music Course, and Cognitive Science. Took a while to get that last course. I also changed my major to Cognitive Science- Neuroscience, with a minor in spanish literature and biology. I also got a job recently for a lab that studies c. elegans....basically a neuroscience lab haha. We'll im pretty tired from studying gentics i guess ill write more later. I have to wake up tomorrow morning to go to this lab safety training at 8am. Sigh.....

"Your Dream (Ideal) Guy"

I have found that most people tend to have someone who they refer to as their "dream guy", i guess in a way i have one too, but in reality i don't really have a dream guy...i meet whoever i meet....but if i DID.....

For me i think i am not too picky. I think im kinda open to many different races, and stuff. However, from experience because of "E", refer to my other posts if you don't know him. (hes the first guy, and so far only guy i have done a little bit of stuff with and dated for a week??), i think
i prefer to date an asian guy (maybe a discreet guy also?) because he might relate better to me. I mean im still open to other races, but i think that someone that is asian might understand where i come from better immediately than someone from another race. Don't get me wrong i would love to still date someone from another race, but an asian might adhere to my values and culture easier because they have come from the same place i came from in the beginning...if that makes sense haha. Overall i mean my dream guy would have to be at least decent looking, but doesn't have to be model status.
The most important trait at the end of the day, however much corny it may sound is the personality. I think that someone who is honest, capable of communicating, and being understanding/counsiderate are the top three qualities that i look for. Keep in mind, i think my "dream person" might change.

By the way, random...but if you care haha...i have been wanting to disclose that my real name is Matt, not Jake. Jake is my fake name that i always use. Sorry about that. Everything else though is REAL!

Take Care,
Matt

Can You Lend A Hand?

Sorry i meant to post this a while back, but needed to edit it, but here it goes:

This morning i just went to my every other Saturday mentor mentee program. This mentor mentee program is to pair college students with other students from (middle school to college) who have autism. I joined the autism club at my school, because i wanted to learn about a disorder that i have heard of but never really studied or knew about in depth like cancer or heart disease. This club has been very rewarding. My mentee has stayed in the program for almost an entire year now, and although there are other mentees out there they usual leave within a quarter or two because they are either uncomfortable or their mentor is not the perfect match for them. I am grateful for my mentee staying, and i hope to work on and strengthen our relationship as he improves on certain areas of his social skills. I just wanna say that i love contributing back to the community and helping those around me. I will help anybody whether they are my friends or strangers. I feel that since i have the ability to help others, its important to contribute now because the community around us is who we are.

Care to help someone out?

Workin out at the gym

has been quite fun recently. Although i have been running around my campus with a friend which is about 4 miles, i have been finding the gym to be very convenient and enjoying. I get to watch hot guys while running, using weights, sit ups, and finally planks. Today, i was running on the treadmill (im quite competitive on the treadmill, i usually want to outbeat anyone that is next to me). Back to the treadmill story, i was running, and as i look down i can see a view of the weight pit below me and so many hot guys working out. I saw one in particular, he was asian and had crazy buff arms and nice body. I, like the coward i am pretended i was running and watching the tv above me, but i gave him couple glances. He looked back too and we kept keeping in eye contact many times throughout my run. He stayed in the same location and he even sat down and lifted weights showing off his body. Anyways...nothing happened, i didn't go to him or do anything like the scardy cat i am haha. But yeah, basically today i just went to meet my mentee who is autistic, went to the library to study for finals, and finally went to the gym and chilled with apartment mates and some friends from elsewhere.

Hope you had a nice day,
Jake

Chilled Again Today

Hey guys, (note: this is just a post about what i did today, might be boring, but if your bored enjoy!!)

I didn't do much today. This morning, i woke up at around 7:30 a.m. and didn't go to math lecture because i was really tired (been doing this, kinda need to stop that) and then woke up several times until 10 when i also missed my organic chemistry lecture (justified cause i tell myself ill listen to podcast). When i woke up, i felt quite horned up and decided to jerk off with random strangers on webcam. (a bad habit of mine...trying to stop that). Around 10:30 am i headed off to my college academic advising, because i am considering changing my major from biochemistry/chemistry to possibly a biology or psych major. However, i want to go for biology even though its impacted. I spoke to the adviser, and she like many others in the academic advising, except for one person in there are useless. My friends confirmed that the academic advisers seem to be lazy and keep telling students to go to the "major counselor". But i find that these advisers should at least help the student find the major they would possibly like by asking them questions and finally allowing them to have a better feeling of what they would like to pursue.

 So, after i finished with the adviser, i went to meet my apartment mate this year and room mate last year (lets call him "J"). J and i went to pick up our writing papers from last year-- you can only pick them up one year after you finish that class. Then he headed off with a friend to count money for donations that they got for a club while i went to the biology academic advising. I found out i had to come back at 1. I ended up having lunch with J and as usual, we go into the dining hall and get a veggie sausage and he stick it under beans while i stick it under salsa. We check out and save some money for our dining cash. We do that for fun, and because we think that the dining halls are a rip off, so we deserve a way to compensate ourselves for paying overpriced food haha.

After lunch i went back to the apartment and waited for my other apartment mate and also my last year roomate, lets call him "JK". (as a side note: Jk and J were my roomates from freshman year and we are basically very close, we can talk about anything other than my sexuality haha...and nope i am not secretly in love with them or anything, they are the brothers i never had in my childhood) Jk and i went to a job fair for engineers...i don't know why i went but i wanted to check out the big companies like google, amazon, fb, and others. I wanted to see how they promote their business and recruit. I got lots of free stuff though specifically from google and boeing haha. Afterwards i went to just accompany Jk to eat lunch and then he went off to his work while i went to biology academic advising. After i signed in, they closed the sign ups and said it was at full capacity (good thing i went right on time). Again, the biology adviser was useless...she told me what i had already known. I thought she could have counseled whether or not biology was a good fit for me. Anyways, i don't think i can get into biology though, i finished all the prerequisites except for two more quarters of physics. Without those this is my last chance to apply, and i most likely won't get in.

 I ended up going back to my dorm, and soon one of my friends her name is E went with me and J to jamba juice and then we got dinner (personal pizzas). After dinner we all went back to the apartment and played couple games of monopoly deal (im addicted haha) and I went to the gym with Jk and another friend, her name is "C'. I ran 4.5 miles, and then did some weights, push ups, and planks. There were couple of really cute guys. I saw three guys who were looking at me throughout my time in the weights section, but i immediately turned away and pretended i was focusing on something else while lifting--- im really shy, and im EXTREMELY scared to look back at people when they look at me. Trust me im trying to learn how to make eye contact with people, i mean why wouldn't i wanna try to lure some cute guys and ask them out?! Anyways after we worked out, me and Jk walked C back to her apartment and got some shakes. As we were going back we saw our pretty close friend named "Cl", hes mexican by blood, but his parents raised him without the mexican culture, so essentially hes like an american. Me and Jk were shivering in the cold and walked back to our apartments, and now after a hot shower im sitting on my bed writing this post.

 I should sleep soon cuz i have to do some volunteering tomorrow morning. I guess i can say today was productive. I think i will try to organize my writing better next time so its not as crowded, and PLUS i want to write about all the hot guys i see!!!-- its hard to cuz, i kinda forget about it after couple days. Also, ill try to post more about me, and the people who i hang out with, so theres at least a visual of who i am and who i hang out with haha. I mean whats the point of reading a blog, if you can't visualize all the sexy guys that i meet in my life :). Gonna go read some blogs now, nite.

Just Met Up With

the first guy that i met in my life. Lets call him "E". The one from before when i posted about him and me feeling guilty. Basically, i tried to avoid him since winter break but i just wanted to get my point across to him that i don't have any feelings for him anymore. After my parents dropped me off at school, i was already in my apartment.  our text went like this before the encounter:

e: Hey im near your place, wanna meet up?

me: oh ill be back in 15 mins. (i was already in the apartment)

e: Do you wanna hang out now?

e: can i go up now?

me: ok lets meet downstairs

e: what ever.

me: kk im going down now

I think he said whatever because he knew i was avoiding him and now didn't want him to go up to my apartment. (but that will never be known, thats my interpretation)

I went downstairs outside of the lobby of my apartment, and after walking around by myself in circles, i see a figure that looks like him. I am bad at recognizing people, so i stare for a couple seconds, and soon i see someone waving at me. We got closer and hugged. Then we proceeded to sit at a table outside, and we caught up on what happened with our lives and etc. Soon it got to the question. He said that he met someone he really liked that lived in my apartment, and that they have been going out for past couple weeks. E asked me though if i still had any feelings towards him, because he still thinks about me and likes me a little. I didn't want to say outright that i don't have any feelings for him anymore, and that he should focus on who he is dating right now. Instead, i said that i really don't have time for a relationship, and that since he is with someone right now, he should cherish that and focus his love all on that person. (in fact i am busy with school, and as with my previous posts i said that i don't think i can put in the effort for a relationship.)  He finally got the message, and said that he was a little hurt. But i couldn't take back what i said, because i meant it, and i didn't want to lead him on saying that i liked him or something. I told him that we can be friends, and ill be there to talk to him about anything that happens with him. We ended by hugging and saying goodbye on the elevator, because the person he currently likes lives in the same apartment as me. As of now, i don't know how i feel but i feel relieved that this experience with E has taught me many valuable lessons. I know what i want in a relationship if i did pursue it. I want to not have sex, and have a good time hanging out with my potential partner. I think that sex can come into play when we both know each other well, and want to commit to a long term relationship.

Thats all for now, and i am heading to bed now cuz i feel sick haha.

Nite,
Jake

Made Some Changes

just some quick changes, like the intro, title, and blog design. I think i will change these things when i feel that i have changed and understand more about myself. It will reflect the changes that i currently am going through. The title just reinforces the thought of where am i really at in life and what am i doing. That is all for now, going to go study for once haha. 

This is one thing i never take advantage of...never

and that is MY WEEKENDS to catch up on work haha. I never do anything on weekends, when i really have to likes school work. If something is due on mond. i will wait till Sunday night to complete. Im just in general, a big procrastinator. But i get things done. Still, i am working on trying to do stuff more earlier.

Today, i was supposed to study, but instead read blogs and went to cheesecake factory with my sis and parents.
I got pics to show, but will post later.

Cheers,
Jake

Tapex run

	Lavender Milk Tea!!! on a sat. Feb. 4

Miso Soup

	Some miso salad soup for dinner on a sat night

Sometimes Music can be the thing that helps...

Just a thought here, cause this week has been quite stressful due to my ochem midterm, lab reports, and math midterm (which im studying for right now). Even though these days i have been desiring sleep and try to work as hard as i can to get the sleep i need, if i really need to stay up like today...then music can just do it for me. I just turn on the radio, or find couple of music videos to listen to, and im awake, energized, and not craving sleep anymore. I can keep studying while the music is going, and not be tired. Anyways back to work, but usually when im in a bad mood, stressed, or need to find some alone time, music can just be the thing. Thats it for now :).

Relationships?

Possibility of a relationship in the near future? Nah i dont think so. I need a lot of time to figure out my path in life, and also do well in school. I mean if i can't really take care of myself already, how would i expect myself to reciprocate my love to another person that i care about. (that would be unfair to the person). Thats all for now.

Take Care,
Jake

3 Classes

I have been taking at least 4 classes every quarter, and this is my first time taking 3 classes this quarter, because i dropped my physics course recently.-- i can't really understand the professor, and i also hate physics haha.

-Jake

Dropping physics this quarter b4 the drop date cuz i did bad on my first quiz and i need time to focus on my other classes: math ochem and chem lab. This

Finally fav time of day nap time for 20 mins

H8 waking up for 8am class

	Mm tasty

Hey im trying out this blogger mobile. Did nothin much these days but jus studyin for upcoming midterms!

Gaydar?

Just something thats on my mind right now. I'm sure most of you know what gaydar is. If not, its a word similar to radar where you identify an object by searching around. Except in this case, gaydar is a coined term that refers to a persons ability to identify a gay person. I heard of many people say that they have good gaydar, but if that is true im sure i have horrible gaydar then. Most of the guys that i have liked were straight. I think my 'gaydar' would be better however, if i can better my eye contact skills. The reason for that is, when i look around and see a guy who's attractive, i take a glance at him, but am extremely scared to look back longer, even if i know he is looking back (peripheral vision). So yeah, just a thought out there.

J0712

Hey! 

I forgot to mention something on my mind about the new years- that most of us forget to write the year as 2012, thinking that its still 2011. I realized this cuz in school from elementary, and even up till today, a lot of my friends forget to put the "new year that has come" Just a random thought haha 

 Oh and if you wanna know why my title is J0712...it just means January 07, 2012


Well, today was pretty cool cuz i got some ochem studying in & even better my friend from cal helped me out! We studied at starbucks, and then later on in the day i went to ontario mills outlet to get some puma shoes and just hang with my sister. Then we had dinner at Mimi's Cafe. I have to tell you about my experience at Mimi's Cafe- it was a good one. But now i g2 go to bed cuz tomorrow i have a big day ahead of me. 


I wish i could get an android or apple iphone so i can blog on the go, posting pics and writing about what i do. But for now, i just need to find time and sit down to load photos and open my laptop to write my posts.


See you later,
jake

Happy New Years!!!

Happy late new years! Hope everyone looks forward to a new year with full of fun and random happenings :)

This past year has been great, with the exception of many new things happening towards the end when i encountered a small sexual relationship that greatly changed my mind about how i want to approach relationships. 

Im gonna try to compose a list of what i want to focus on this year and try to stick with it..unlike the other years where i kinda forgot about my "new years resolutions" haha

Hope i can write more about myself and what i do, but as for the 365 days i mentioned...i think i am going to try to post most days, but not force myself to do a post EVERY day. 


For now, i uploaded some pictures of what highlights mostly what i did this winter break. Enjoy!

First quarter of ochem this quarter was like a pain in the ass...thing is i had no idea what was going on taking the final cuz i didn't go to lecture for almost 3 weeks (strep throat)...and expected to fail. But i passed! surprisingly, and now im gonna take it seriously this coming quarter.

study buddy

nother study friend

heart attack!!! apartment mate gave me some while studyin

decent kbb at la

"fashion district" in la

downtown la fashion dist.

downtown la fashion dist.

fashion dist downtown la

fashion dist. downtown la

place where we parked..LA was crazy, it was my first time driving there and i didn't know streets in LA were one way....so while i was driving i made a U-Turn and saw the back of the streetlight facing me. I stared stupidly at it for a second and immediately realized there were incoming cars at me soon realizing i was on a one way street driving the wrong direction.

hot pot on xmas day. is tastier than it looks.

calamari during during thanksgiving break?

beef stew...thanksgiving break

popcorn chicken meal...thanksgiving break

minced pork rice

kbb with sis bf friends from singapore

kbb charcoal grill

Disneyland during xmas break. Haven't been here since...3 years ago?

disney castle at night

someplace in disney at night

disney CA adventure

right after finals went with friends to Coronado island

Coronado island after rainfall

Coronado Island

souplantation meal

lol...waiting for friends to wake up and have fun

Parents picked me up during thanksgiving break..this is the first time i passed through border/security control haah

border/sec. control

got an ASUS transformer from credit card rewards

apartment mates made potato

friend gave me popcorn chicken during finals week

SUPER large chicken leg from dining hall

studyin hard. w/ amigos

kbb place in san diego

all you can eat KBB food!-SD

kbb grill.

nice dining place opened at school! Steak

red curry tofu

tri tip steak salad

papaya thai salad

fine dining 

fine dining with friends

cuties orange marathon while studying

 So thats some of what i did during xmas break and other times


Take care, 
Jake