Successful Day?

Today was a pretty good day for me. I am up  on par with my school work and I got a decent grade on my project for one of my classes. Also what even made it better was that I worked on an extra credit assignment, and a tutor really made my day by helping me step by step and explaining how to do the code. Oh and I even ran a campus loop! :p Now time to watch The New Normal, and then sleep. Got work tomorrow at 7am

Relationships 2

So, another thing that I wanted to talk about is getting into a relationship? I am 20 right now and my apartment mates frequently talk about girls and how they really want to get with them and hopefully get into a relationship. I help them talk about their thoughts and relationship yearnings.

However, there comes a question when people like my friends, aunt or dad ask me questions along the lines of "haven't you ever liked someone before(girl)"-friends , "are you currently in a relationship with any girls you like?"-aunt, "make sure you start looking for girls now since college is the place where you meet nice people"-dad.

A lot goes through my mind when those questions are presented to me. Do I really want to be in a relationship? Am I ready to be in a relationship? I personally think that I don't really yearn for a relationship, but hey if it does come up then I would probably try dating, but its really hard to find guys to date if you aren't "out" yet. Also, I really don't mind having a whole bunch of friends to hang out with even if i have a desire to have a cuddle buddy or something to that effect at times. The other thing that goes through my mind is- why the fuck do people have to care so much about my business. If I don't really respond or try to not talk about girls is cause I am probably not into them. I hate having to cover up by saying who I think is hot etc....I see those girls as friends. I don't like how people assume things like every guy or girl is straight unless proven guilty--if that even makes sense. I don't know, but since i am in the closet still, I think that is why i am annoyed that people ask such questions. Sometimes I wish i could act more flamboyant or something so that people can assume that I am gay because I fit the stereotype, but I want to stay true to myself and that really is not who I am. I guess in a way, i am not annoyed, but more thinking about the implications of telling people about my sexuality. The more i think about coming out, I realize that it really is not a big deal because i have to realize that in this world, you need to really put yourself first and think about yourself. Everyone is in their own bubble, and telling people that you like guys shouldn't matter to them because it doesn't hurt them in anyway, and soon they will have their own lives to care and worry about. Sorry for the rant, but I just wanted to let out all of my thoughts. I hope in the future, I can be more coherent and make sense with my writing. Cheers.

In Deep Trouble

--dated sophmore year...lol its saddening to read this in a draft? Recently i have been feeling quite depressed, mostly because of my academic life--furthermore which affects my social life. I guess i can say i was doing quite well in college until i started organic chemistry. I'm currently on my second quarter of ochem, and i have been behind A LOT. I already barely passed ochem first quarter with a C--i really dont even know how i passed first quarter because i didn't know anything nor did i study until couple days before the final exam. This quarter is a little bit the same for ochem, i am behind and i really don't know anything. This class along with physics has brought my confidence in studying at its low. For example, in recent weeks including today, i have been ditching my math class and ochem class. I justify not going by telling myself that there are podcasts, or that i probably won't learn anything my going to lecture since im so far behind. As a result of all this, i try to study and stay in my room -- but its not effective cuz i end up doing something else. I need to step my game up, and i'm just disappointed about what i have been doing for the past few weeks. Anyways thats it for now.

Update On Life

So its been a while since I posted. I am now into my winter quarter of junior year. I am pretty proud of myself in terms of getting all A's (some A- :( ) since summer of 2012. I have also gotten a job at a neuroscience lab if I haven't mentioned (since a while already) and recently this year entered a research lab in cognitive neurosc. However, with all this work, there is a lot of stress. I think school work is good, but research takes so much time. My first quarter doing research was really chill. I got to run subjects, and see if research is really the environment that I want to ultimately be in. Then comes my second quarter into research, and I feel like there are much much more expectations that are required of me. My mentor informed me about me being more "proactive" in terms of asking intellectual questions, but I feel like its hard for me to do that and I need to work on that. On the other hand, I think he isn't really doing his part in promoting me to be "intellectual". So far, I have spent countless hours learning how to read articles, and try to organize times to meet up and help out with setting up some experiment material. I am also trying to learn a software that goes into MATLAB that can be integrated to run experiments. I feel like school work to me is just full of studying, but what is stressful is research (i know im saying this again)- mainly because I really like being told what to do rather than not know what to do and try to please everyone. I feel like the professor is looking down upon me right now because maybe I don't seem like im doing much because i don't see her as much. So theres my rant, and I just wanted to get it out there even though some things might not make sense. I really do like blogging- and actually keep reading other peoples blogs. I hope to write more on here and post pictures, because I feel like I can actually get to know myself and what I am thinking exactly. Heres to a post that hopefully is the beginning of many to come!