Relationships 2

So, another thing that I wanted to talk about is getting into a relationship? I am 20 right now and my apartment mates frequently talk about girls and how they really want to get with them and hopefully get into a relationship. I help them talk about their thoughts and relationship yearnings.

However, there comes a question when people like my friends, aunt or dad ask me questions along the lines of "haven't you ever liked someone before(girl)"-friends , "are you currently in a relationship with any girls you like?"-aunt, "make sure you start looking for girls now since college is the place where you meet nice people"-dad.

A lot goes through my mind when those questions are presented to me. Do I really want to be in a relationship? Am I ready to be in a relationship? I personally think that I don't really yearn for a relationship, but hey if it does come up then I would probably try dating, but its really hard to find guys to date if you aren't "out" yet. Also, I really don't mind having a whole bunch of friends to hang out with even if i have a desire to have a cuddle buddy or something to that effect at times. The other thing that goes through my mind is- why the fuck do people have to care so much about my business. If I don't really respond or try to not talk about girls is cause I am probably not into them. I hate having to cover up by saying who I think is hot etc....I see those girls as friends. I don't like how people assume things like every guy or girl is straight unless proven guilty--if that even makes sense. I don't know, but since i am in the closet still, I think that is why i am annoyed that people ask such questions. Sometimes I wish i could act more flamboyant or something so that people can assume that I am gay because I fit the stereotype, but I want to stay true to myself and that really is not who I am. I guess in a way, i am not annoyed, but more thinking about the implications of telling people about my sexuality. The more i think about coming out, I realize that it really is not a big deal because i have to realize that in this world, you need to really put yourself first and think about yourself. Everyone is in their own bubble, and telling people that you like guys shouldn't matter to them because it doesn't hurt them in anyway, and soon they will have their own lives to care and worry about. Sorry for the rant, but I just wanted to let out all of my thoughts. I hope in the future, I can be more coherent and make sense with my writing. Cheers.