Just Met Up With

the first guy that i met in my life. Lets call him "E". The one from before when i posted about him and me feeling guilty. Basically, i tried to avoid him since winter break but i just wanted to get my point across to him that i don't have any feelings for him anymore. After my parents dropped me off at school, i was already in my apartment.  our text went like this before the encounter:

e: Hey im near your place, wanna meet up?

me: oh ill be back in 15 mins. (i was already in the apartment)

e: Do you wanna hang out now?

e: can i go up now?

me: ok lets meet downstairs

e: what ever.

me: kk im going down now

I think he said whatever because he knew i was avoiding him and now didn't want him to go up to my apartment. (but that will never be known, thats my interpretation)

I went downstairs outside of the lobby of my apartment, and after walking around by myself in circles, i see a figure that looks like him. I am bad at recognizing people, so i stare for a couple seconds, and soon i see someone waving at me. We got closer and hugged. Then we proceeded to sit at a table outside, and we caught up on what happened with our lives and etc. Soon it got to the question. He said that he met someone he really liked that lived in my apartment, and that they have been going out for past couple weeks. E asked me though if i still had any feelings towards him, because he still thinks about me and likes me a little. I didn't want to say outright that i don't have any feelings for him anymore, and that he should focus on who he is dating right now. Instead, i said that i really don't have time for a relationship, and that since he is with someone right now, he should cherish that and focus his love all on that person. (in fact i am busy with school, and as with my previous posts i said that i don't think i can put in the effort for a relationship.)  He finally got the message, and said that he was a little hurt. But i couldn't take back what i said, because i meant it, and i didn't want to lead him on saying that i liked him or something. I told him that we can be friends, and ill be there to talk to him about anything that happens with him. We ended by hugging and saying goodbye on the elevator, because the person he currently likes lives in the same apartment as me. As of now, i don't know how i feel but i feel relieved that this experience with E has taught me many valuable lessons. I know what i want in a relationship if i did pursue it. I want to not have sex, and have a good time hanging out with my potential partner. I think that sex can come into play when we both know each other well, and want to commit to a long term relationship.

Thats all for now, and i am heading to bed now cuz i feel sick haha.

Nite,
Jake

Gaydar?

Just something thats on my mind right now. I'm sure most of you know what gaydar is. If not, its a word similar to radar where you identify an object by searching around. Except in this case, gaydar is a coined term that refers to a persons ability to identify a gay person. I heard of many people say that they have good gaydar, but if that is true im sure i have horrible gaydar then. Most of the guys that i have liked were straight. I think my 'gaydar' would be better however, if i can better my eye contact skills. The reason for that is, when i look around and see a guy who's attractive, i take a glance at him, but am extremely scared to look back longer, even if i know he is looking back (peripheral vision). So yeah, just a thought out there.

Gay Asians?

Hey guys,

Hope you guys have been doing well

The topic of the attitude of the gay community towards gay asians and also attitudes of gay asians with gay asians is very interesting. - since i consider myself to be a gay asian

The reason i wanted to bring this topic up was because ocassionally i will go on manroulette or a site similar to that and meet other guys who like guys. As of right now, this is the only place i can go to meet people in the gay community. Other than that, i have read many blogs and watched documentaries where gay asians are in the "lower" hierarchy of the gay community. However, i have come to a conclusion in my mind that most people in the gay community have a stigma, or dislike towards asian guys.

Therefore, i really wanted to find out the reason behind this idea of gay asians on the lowest hierachy in the gay community. 

To my surprise, i found out that there are even terms that are attached to gay asians like "sticky rice" (a gay asian that likes other asian men) or "potatoe queens" (a gay asian guy that likes white men). I feel that these terms are demeaning and am disappointed that the gay community would create terms like this to ruin the image of the gay asian male. 

I understand that there is a fine line between preference and total exclusion. Sorry i can't think of the word right now, but what i am saying is that many people are entitled to their preference of who they would like to date or pursue a relationship with, and there are those who exclude an entire ethnicity and would not even associate or hang out with those people. 

I understand that i have not fully been able to understand about the gay community yet, but this is so far what i think of gay asians in the community. 


-Jake