Summer So Far

This summer i've been enjoying what there is to offer in san diego. I've been going to lots of beaches, and staying outdoors to study or just relax and chill with friends haah. Some random stuff today though, i guess im pretty music illiterate. My friend today told me about classical rock including some artists like led zeppelin and his song stairway to heaven, but i had no idea he existed until today haha. However, i think i do have a good reason why im not so good with american music. Since i was young i listened to anything my sisters listened to, which is chinese music. As a result, i don't have much background knowledge of american music. It also doesn't help to go to a high school that is prominently asians- further influencing me to only listen to mostly chinese songs. Though my taste in music since college has shifted a bit, i think im open to most types of music, like indie music and music that is not just pop music. 

Moving on...i went to coronado beach today and got stung by a jellyfish!! Whats funny is my friend was worried as hell, telling me to be very careful of jellyfish and sting rays in the shallow waters...but i kept trying to calm her down and when she was out of the water i went with two other friends into the water and mentioned that we shouldn't go into the water any deeper, but my other friend suggested that she went into the water deeper this morning, and seconds later after moving in a bit deeper, i felt a quick sting to my feet. The pain wasn't excruciating..i think it felt like a needle was stuck in my feet and a fat blister on the punctured part of my feet. I thought it was a nice experience haha. Now i think i have sun burn for going to the beach two days straight in a row. 

I know what i typed has been pretty random, but just wanted to say what was on my mind :p 

Bleh...

My room mate is starting to get annoying he talks on the phone with his mom....and its been an hour already. -_- this has been happening for a while. I want some PEACE n QUIET...

What Makes People Do That?

Have you ever wondered why people do things that seem illogical? We'll I have, and today i just wanted to write about some questions that are on my mind.

1) Why is it that when you tell someone a secret, and tell them to promise to you not to tell that they still end up blabbing about that secret to someone else?

As for me, i understand that in dire circumstances like if someone is going suicide- then its the right thing to tell others. However, what i don't understand is when people blab about a secret that is simple. I am a person that hates people who are "big mouthed" and tell secrets that they promised they wouldn't tell. For me, although many of you don't know me, i am extremely trustworthy. When my friends tell me something, and i promise to not tell it- then i really don't. When i hear other people telling about their friends secrets, it gets on my nerves, because if that person wanted to keep something confidential then they confided it in YOU- and its ultimately your responsibility to keep your mouth shut because they TRUSTED you. Its amazing how some people can break promises and just blab. I want to go deeper into this phenomena. I mean, i am sure nature AND nurture play a role. For example, maybe there is an interaction of genes that play a role in not inhibiting someone to tell out secrets. Maybe, there is a gene that encourages people to not make promises as well as others. But i think in terms of neurological underpinnings of these causes is not too important of a focus in the scientific community as there are more important topics in life that need to be investigated before something social like this is looked into further. Furthermore, i think that there might be an environmental factor that plays a role in facilitating someone to blab. It is possible that a person is positively reinforced to tell out other's secrets because the people who they tell it to encourage them and embellish them with comments that make it gratifying to the secret teller. Those are my opinions and thoughts so far. I do have one thing to say though...I know its sad, but i think i have not found ONE person i can trust yet in life who i can tell everything to.- either im stubborn or i have a problem. Its just, im pretty sure there is someone out there who i can confide my thoughts and secrets with but, so far everyone i met- after observing them...they are blabbers, some extreme or not as much.

2) How do people succeed after going through a rough time or failing school. How do they get the motivation, or what makes them want to attain what they want after all? However, i think we also need to investigate how people become not successful, or rather lose their hope of attaining their goal.

This question came up in the back of my mind, because recently a lot of my friends have been coming from community colleges, and then transferring to pretty good universities. Thats what puzzles me, because when i knew them in high school they weren't getting the best of grades, and they didn't seem like they really liked school. I mean, i am very proud of them for turning around their life, and that this gives me hope that anyone can do what they want if they put their mind to it. But i feel like this is a complex idea to think about. For me, i think that every person has a "limit". Sometimes if you push the correct button- like going through a lot of shit and finally it "hits" you that you want to do whatever you want then you will really have that urge to do it. I don't know if i make sense, but i hope to elaborate on it another time.

-Matt

Losing Interest In Blogging?

Sadly, i am sure most people know that it is very easy to lose interest in blogging, but hard to continue blogging. I want to continue blogging, but its difficult because of everything i have to do. Anyways, i am still here, just reading other people's blogs haha. I want to continue blogging about what i do, and what i am thinking. Today is my sis college graduation!- in four hours...so i better sleep. Just wanted to say that i am extremely proud of her achievements, and hope that she can further apply her skills and knowledge in college to what she wants to do :) . I will blog soon!!!-hopefully

Take Care

Conflicting Conflicts

I was depressed more than i was ever recently, I think largely due to the fact that I met someone, and that im not academically doing well in school.

I met someone that was bisexual on omegle. Lets call them C. I talked to him this one night and we just talked about ourselves. However, ever since he said he had to do something for his mom, he never talked back to me after i wrote, " Hey are you back with your errand yet". So i decided to just come online occasionally and see if he would say hi or something. I don't know but me not being able to talk to him even though i only met him for one day has made me VERY sad in the inside. I think i really just get attached to people easily...which is very bad. I don't want this feeling so i try to shrug it off, but its not. I feel like im getting to the point where im stalking when hes on skype and etc. What conflicts me even more is whether or not he is really bisexual. For me i think sexuality is on a continuum, and that everyones sexual orientation is on a spectrum. That sexuality varies from person to person. However, i think i am just blinding myself that he is more dominant on the guy side. Sorry about the rant, but what i am trying to say is that i just don't understand HOW i can be so depressed when this guy doesn't talk back to me even though we just met once on cam. Its sad, but true. I might have fallen for him--which sounds rather ridiculous. This is the first time i've been hit really hard....

Then there is my school work. I think im currently not doing so hot for medical school standards. I hate ochem, and that brought my gpa down a lot.

I have nothing else much to say, but i am VERY GLAD that i have good friends out there that are willing to spend time and talk to me about being depressed. After a series of events today that started tumbling down to my small depression, i saw my friend online, and i told her i saw her other friend earlier today. Then she asked how i was doing...i told her i was depressed jokingly. She immediately came to see me at 9:40pm when she lives off campus. (she has to walk back 30 mins to where she lives). I am truly grateful for her talking to me especially in a time where i don't know what else to do. Through her thoughtful words, and experience i think i have what it takes to fight this sadness and depression i am feeling. We talked until 12:10am....But here is what i think i am going to change on:

1) to stop comparing myself with others, and to follow my own life.
2) Make my own decisions
3) Be assertive
4) Be happy
5) stick with my values
6) Don't care about what other people think of me

As much as those things may sound repetitive, or better yet corny....i think it is actually meaningful when you take it to heart. These are truly what I should be thinking about. Therefore, NO NEGATIVE thoughts, but positive :)

This post is just a rant, because i think i needed it Hope you everyone is enjoying their time, and remember be happy!

Update On Life

I am currently in my last quarter of ochem...and sadly am still dreading it. I did pretty bad on my recent midterm. As for my other classes, so far i am caught up and doing well. I am currently taking 5 classes this quarter. Genetics, Ochem, Statistics, Music Course, and Cognitive Science. Took a while to get that last course. I also changed my major to Cognitive Science- Neuroscience, with a minor in spanish literature and biology. I also got a job recently for a lab that studies c. elegans....basically a neuroscience lab haha. We'll im pretty tired from studying gentics i guess ill write more later. I have to wake up tomorrow morning to go to this lab safety training at 8am. Sigh.....

"Your Dream (Ideal) Guy"

I have found that most people tend to have someone who they refer to as their "dream guy", i guess in a way i have one too, but in reality i don't really have a dream guy...i meet whoever i meet....but if i DID.....

For me i think i am not too picky. I think im kinda open to many different races, and stuff. However, from experience because of "E", refer to my other posts if you don't know him. (hes the first guy, and so far only guy i have done a little bit of stuff with and dated for a week??), i think
i prefer to date an asian guy (maybe a discreet guy also?) because he might relate better to me. I mean im still open to other races, but i think that someone that is asian might understand where i come from better immediately than someone from another race. Don't get me wrong i would love to still date someone from another race, but an asian might adhere to my values and culture easier because they have come from the same place i came from in the beginning...if that makes sense haha. Overall i mean my dream guy would have to be at least decent looking, but doesn't have to be model status.
The most important trait at the end of the day, however much corny it may sound is the personality. I think that someone who is honest, capable of communicating, and being understanding/counsiderate are the top three qualities that i look for. Keep in mind, i think my "dream person" might change.

By the way, random...but if you care haha...i have been wanting to disclose that my real name is Matt, not Jake. Jake is my fake name that i always use. Sorry about that. Everything else though is REAL!

Take Care,
Matt