Conflicting Feelings - Rage and Normalcy

Hey Everyone, 

I guess i have been having these two contrasting feelings as expressed through my title,  toward my ex room mate "Tom" since freshman year of college. Now that i have a single room to myself, he and my other room mate that used to live with me are next door living in a double. I am pretty sure you are wondering why exactly i am having these conflicting feelings towards him, but that is why i am here....basically to pinpoint the real reason why i have these mixed feelings. 

Since you guys don't know much about me, many people say that i tend to be a rational person...i think almost to the point where i can't let go of something when there just doesn't seem to be justice. So, going back to Tom's case: I constantly remind myself that i should treat him the same as everyone else, and that since he is my room mate, i want to build a long lasting relationship with him. However, i seem to see a lot of problems with him that are starting to get me annoyed. 

I will list the ones i can think of as of this moment (some can be merged, but im just spitting what comes to mind) :

1) Last year, he would eat almost all the snacks that i brought from home, leaving me hungry during the times that i want to eat at night while studying. 

2) He borrows an item, and i can say that he always never returns them back to me...i have to take it back from him. Namely (my special tie, scissors, really good headphones, food..it goes into his stomach and i get nothing in return, highlighter, pencils and pens, power surge, pillow, blanket) Oh and to add on, he sometimes takes items from me without even asking! 

3) He makes comments that are annoying to me. (ex: recently he keeps asking why i lock my door when i go to sleep, why i lock my door when i leave the apartment, and just keeps telling everyone that i locked my door and that he doesn't like it) ....i have a habit of keeping my door locked, and i don't think there is anything bad about that. I mean i have money in my drawer, and valuable items. Also, when i sleep i like to have my door locked, since i don't want random people coming into my room. 

4) Food this year in the apartment- Although he already pitched in for "apartment food", he still takes my food from the fridge, and never asks me. (If you know me, i am a person that can't say no, its really hard for me. So, if he asked me i would say yes...but he doesn't!) In addition to my items, he sometimes eats other peoples items too, which really annoys me because i RESPECT other people's items, and would NOT touch it without their permission.  ex: during the summer, when i had groceries in the fridge, he took it and just cooked it. Later he asks me if i want some, and i tell him that next time he should ask when cooking my groceries. And he tells me, "well im going to cook this anyways"....and his response is what i don't get.

5) I understand that we all have judgments that are irrational at certain times, because no matter what as humans we judge and as long as we understand that and we fix our mean and irrational thoughts that go through our head, that would makes us a more understanding and acceptable person. Well, i have to admit that i am just annoyed by the way he is always lethargic and always trying to bring me down in certain situations, like when i say something good happened to me. Also, i don't like the way he continues to ask me for English help, like pestering me always to try and fix his grammar or the way he talks. The way he talks is also starting to get to me. THEREFORE, i know this fifth reason is mean to say, so that is why i am trying to find out the reason why sometimes i have this irrational hearted against him. (which now i believe is a build-up of the first four reasons). 

6) Something else that i thought of is that he snatches things that aren't his, and invades your privacy. For example, for food he would search through what you have brought/bought for that week. Or for regular items, whatever he needs he would just take it out of your drawer if needed. Also, he peeks into your computer screen to see what you are doing. This obviously frustrates me nuts!--especially when trying to write this blog.

So, i understand that James and i still have our good times where we talk, and watch movies and occasionally hang out. But, i still don't think he knows that oftentimes i would have a strong hatred toward everything he does (i don't show my rage, i keep it to myself) .- i think now it relates to mostly food, when he takes mine or other peoples items without asking.


 As for suggestions, you can't really suggest me to talk to him, because i already did. During the summer, when i lived with my high school friend and him, we had a food argument and basically we told each other that it was important not to take other peoples items, and that we should pay each other groceries equally, not one person not pay and eat the food. However, these talks and arguments went about numerous of times, but he still doesn't understand. (I don't know why) He even tells me that it is important not to take other peoples items. 

So these are some ideas that got me thinking about why he would act this way: 

1) He really does not know who's food he is eating, and that he is paying for it from the "sharing". --but today he just drank the soup my mom brought in today...without telling me...so i dunno

2) He's used to sharing things at home, and just takes what he wants from his family members. (but i did tell him to ask me before taking my things...but he still continues to take my stuff before asking) 

I think i am forgiving of him also, because he doesn't live in southern California, and his parents aren't even in the states, so he has to get food on his own.


Man i really have to say, i am actually VERY HAPPY and WILLING to SHARE almost anything of mine, as long as someone asks. But when someone just takes your items without asking, its like stealing. 

I am trying to learn to forget about it also, cause these are actually very small problems, and i want to still be a good friend to him. (but a lot of small problems can build up)

I think i am forgiving of him also, because he doesn't live in southern California, and his parents aren't even in the states, so he has to get food on his own.